Yesterday, I took Ethan to the dentist. His first time to the dentist was at age 4, I believe. He just came to our dentist and checked things out and had a fine time. The second time we took him, he actually got his little teeth cleaned, and he was terrific. No problem. The third time, they decided to try some x-rays, to see how those permanent teeth were faring under the surface. You know those stiff, platicky films you have to bite down on, and they kinda poke you for a few seconds? Well, they tried to use those films (that feel like they barely fit in my mouth) in his little 5 year old mouth. I’m sure it was uncomfortable, and his tongue had a mind of its own and kept popping that thing out of place. The hygienist tried her best, but all of Ethan’s good feelings about going to the dentist disappeared into a fit of tears and frustration. That was about 1 1/2 years ago. Yes, I’ve avoided trying to take him to the dentist again, in part because of that experience.
Yesterday, we marched into a pediatric dentist’s office. We had talked about how this place was made for kids and their tools and techniques would be tailored just for him. He seemed slightly anxious, but I really thought he was going to be fine. He got situated in the big chair, with a soft, stuffed doggy tucked under his knees to make him more comfortable. Molly, the hygienist, did a great job explaining everything that would happen. He still expressed some worry, but really seemed to be holding it together very well. I was cautiously relieved. Until it was time for the x-rays to actually begin.
First, Molly had him bite down on a film holder, which makes it a bit easier for kids to hold the film in the right place. That was successful, so she took that out to add the film…and everything that Ethan had been holding back came out in a rush of tears and frustration and anxiety, once again. I was standing in my spot well behind the chair (for the x-rays), and I knew that Molly wanted to try and help him work through this so he would trust her. I also knew that there was probably nothing I could say that would make it better for him. We have been through this sort of situation more than I care to admit or remember. This has been such a difficult part of parenting for me…when all of Ethan’s rationale is gone and no amount of logic or patience or threats or bribes amount to anything, except my own blood pressure going up. So, I prayed and hoped, while Molly attempted to firmly work through it with Ethan.
I admired her resolve, but she finally asked me to come and talk with him. She stepped out for a few minutes while I firmly tried to calm him down and encourage him. I think these sorts of situations are so frustrating for me, because I feel like such a lousy parent! A failure, really. The fact that he has worked himself into such a state of irrationality seems like it must reflect poorly on my parenting techniques. And the fact that I’m unable to bring him back around to sensible thoughts and actions with magic mommy words leaves me feeling lost. In addition, I think I’m afraid of being judged by other parents/adults. I judge myself, and I admit that I often catch myself passing judgment on other parents when their kids have behavior that seems uncontrollable. But, I’ve been learning more and more that Ethan is his own person, not merely an extension of myself and my husband. Trying to control his emotions in order for me to feel good about myself or to look good in front of other parents are poor motivations at best. The idea of being a container for my child’s emotions and feelings, so that he can express himself in a healthy and safe place, is one that I’m trying to embrace more. Not to encourage more irrational tears and fears, but to hopefully provide an avenue of safe and efficient communication, fewer complete meltdowns and respect for himself and others.
Needless to say, my pep talk did no good. He remained in a fragile state. Molly came back and asked what my comfort level was in her pushing him a bit more. I told her that she was welcome to try as hard as she liked. She suggested we try the panoramic x-ray, where you have to stand up and let a camera go all the way around your head. He got totally situated, and right before she actually began, he lost it again. Molly suggested I go back to the waiting room and let her try to work with him completely alone. That was fine with me, but of course Ethan was not keen on that idea. We were both firm and held our ground, and I escaped back to the waiting room, mouthing “I’m so sorry” over Ethan’s head as I turned to go. She assured me that it was not a problem and that this was part of her job. I was glad to be working with someone who sounded as stubborn as me!
I glanced through the pages of a magazine, barely able to focus on what was printed. I half-expected Molly to appear behind the glass door with a look of defeat on her face. But, the clock kept ticking, and then I tried to determine if a long time passing meant good things or bad. When she finally did appear, it was with a smile and a thumbs-up sign. I was so relieved! She said that they finally managed to get all the x-rays done, and when one film didn’t turn out and they had to do it again, it was not a problem at all, as he admitted, “That was easy!” Thank you, Lord!
The look on his face when he came out was priceless. He had conquered something, worked it out, slayed the dragon. The dentist came out too (a beautiful lady who appears too young to be a dentist and pregnant with her fourth child!). He had no cavities and she said that his growth and development looked perfect. And because of that, he wouldn’t need films taken again until he was 8. Yippee!
I was so thankful that Molly hadn’t given up. What should have been a 35 minute appointment turned into 1 1/2 hours, but we all left feeling like winners. Molly said that challenges only make them better at their jobs. A little voice inside was nagging that it was too bad my child had to be the challenge for them that day, and it was too bad that success only came after I was completely out of the room…what does that say about my presence in his life? But, I let that go and rejoiced that feelings of panic and anger had not taken me over. Even though I was frustrated that Ethan was making the situation so much more difficult than necessary, I was able to detach myself from it in a good way. Again…Thank you, Lord! And Ethan…I hope he can look back at this experience to help him with future challenges. I hope he can remember the connection between what happened at the dentist’s office and his Awana verse, Joshua 1:9 - “…Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
I told Ethan that I was proud of him for working through his fear and doing something he found very difficult. I also told him I would take him out to lunch and he could choose the place. I was kinda surprised, but he chose Romano’s Macaroni Grill. We had a good afternoon. 
