my own Monday Morning Musings

Over the last couple of weeks, Seth and I made use of a library DVD loan and watched the HBO series called John Adams.  We really enjoyed it.  I am fascinated by history, and this series really brought certain aspects of the birth of our country to life.  I found myself feeling very patriotic and looking forward to the time when Ethan gets to learn more about this time in history.  I think a trip back East will be imperative!  I’m also quite interested to read more about Abigail Adams now.  What a full life she had!  On the final DVD, there was an extra bit on the making of the series, as well as a piece about David McCullough, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of John Adams.  I would highly recommend watching both of those segments, especially the one about Mr. McCullough.  I found him to be thoroughly delightful and remarkable.

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Ethan played soccer on Saturday…and will for a few more Saturdays.

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I’ve had some fun with some Photoshop templates, making examples of Christmas cards.

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Template info:

The first and last examples are part of the monogram templates made by Nichole Van.

The middle one with snowflakes is from Design Aglow.

Happy Monday!

before and after

I’ve been in a fall cleaning frenzy lately.  In fact, for a week in mid-September, that was pretty much the sole preoccupation of my mind…to wave a magic wand of hard work over my office and have it emerge as a much more friendly, organized,  functional space.  It began when we took a field trip to IKEA on Sept 13.  Actually, the idea began a little before that…when I ordered some fancy schmancy photo editing software.  How did ordering a little CD start me down this path?  Well, the software is professional grade stuff, and let’s just say that my work environment, here in my cave of an office, was barely ranking as amateur.  So, in order to go with a more professional mindset, I decided the whole office needed an overhaul.  (Does anyone else’s mind work this way?  Because I think it makes perfect sense.)

First up…a new desk.  I found just the right shape to fit in our space by looking on-line at IKEA.  So, on that Saturday we made the trip out there (about 1 hour).  The Portland IKEA has been here for a little over 1 year, and this was our second time there.  The first time was very soon after they opened, and it was such a crowded zoo that I just about had an anxiety attack trying to make it through their maze of displays.  I was very relieved to see a parking lot with lots of spaces available this time.  We had an enjoyable experience and came out with what we went in for…a desk and some Lego storage for our family/play room.

Putting in a new desk made the rest of the room look frumpy, cluttered and messy.  Well, it actually was a mess, so the new desk wasn’t entirely to blame.  This is also my sewing/crafting space (I’m so thankful to have a room available for this!), so there are a lot of cupboards and shelves and drawers in here.  Some of them haven’t been sorted through in years.  It was time to dig in.  Some very late nights contributed to all the sorting and throwing out and rearranging, and the laundry suffered greatly because of my inability to multi-task, but the results are so worth it.  Once my canvases arrived and were hung, I was able to take pics of a nearly finished space.  (Still a bit of sorting to do.)

Before 1

After 1

Before 2

After 2

Before 3

After 3

So much better!  Next up…the guest room, which was in perfect condition before I started sorting out the office.  Hmm….  Oh well, as Seth pointed out, the guest room gets used occasionally while the office gets used daily.  But I’m on a roll now, so in the words of Mr. Bean…”Brace yourself!”

the dentist

Yesterday, I took Ethan to the dentist.  His first time to the dentist was at age 4, I believe.  He just came to our dentist and checked things out and had a fine time.  The second time we took him, he actually got his little teeth cleaned, and he was terrific.  No problem.  The third time, they decided to try some x-rays, to see how those permanent teeth were faring under the surface.  You know those stiff, platicky films you have to bite down on, and they kinda poke you for a few seconds?  Well, they tried to use those films (that feel like they barely fit in my mouth) in his little 5 year old mouth.  I’m sure it was uncomfortable, and his tongue had a mind of its own and kept popping that thing out of place.  The hygienist tried her best, but all of Ethan’s good feelings about going to the dentist disappeared into a fit of tears and frustration.  That was about 1 1/2 years ago.  Yes, I’ve avoided trying to take him to the dentist again, in part because of that experience.

Yesterday, we marched into a pediatric dentist’s office.  We had talked about how this place was made for kids and their tools and techniques would be tailored just for him.  He seemed slightly anxious, but I really thought he was going to be fine.  He got situated in the big chair, with a soft, stuffed doggy tucked under his knees to make him more comfortable.  Molly, the hygienist, did a great job explaining everything that would happen.  He still expressed some worry, but really seemed to be holding it together very well.  I was cautiously relieved.  Until it was time for the x-rays to actually begin.

First, Molly had him bite down on a film holder, which makes it a bit easier for kids to hold the film in the right place.  That was successful, so she took that out to add the film…and everything that Ethan had been holding back came out in a rush of tears and frustration and anxiety, once again.  I was standing in my spot well behind the chair (for the x-rays), and I knew that Molly wanted to try and help him work through this so he would trust her.  I also knew that there was probably nothing I could say that would make it better for him.  We have been through this sort of situation more than I care to admit or remember.  This has been such a difficult part of parenting for me…when all of Ethan’s rationale is gone and no amount of logic or patience or threats or bribes amount to anything, except my own blood pressure going up.  So, I prayed and hoped, while Molly attempted to firmly work through it with Ethan.

I admired her resolve, but she finally asked me to come and talk with him.  She stepped out for a few minutes while I firmly tried to calm him down and encourage him.  I think these sorts of situations are so frustrating for me, because I feel like such a lousy parent!  A failure, really.  The fact that he has worked himself into such a state of irrationality seems like it must reflect poorly on my parenting techniques.  And the fact that I’m unable to bring him back around to sensible thoughts and actions with magic mommy words leaves me feeling lost.  In addition, I think I’m afraid of being judged by other parents/adults.  I judge myself, and I admit that I often catch myself passing judgment on other parents when their kids have behavior that seems uncontrollable.  But, I’ve been learning more and more that Ethan is his own person, not merely an extension of myself and my husband.  Trying to control his emotions in order for me to feel good about myself or to look good in front of other parents are poor motivations at best.  The idea of being a container for my child’s emotions and feelings, so that he can express himself in a healthy and safe place, is one that I’m trying to embrace more.  Not to encourage more irrational tears and fears, but to hopefully provide an avenue of safe and efficient communication, fewer complete meltdowns and respect for himself and others.

Needless to say, my pep talk did no good.  He remained in a fragile state.  Molly came back and asked what my comfort level was in her pushing him a bit more.  I told her that she was welcome to try as hard as she liked.  She suggested we try the panoramic x-ray, where you have to stand up and let a camera go all the way around your head.  He got totally situated, and right before she actually began, he lost it again.  Molly suggested I go back to the waiting room and let her try to work with him completely alone.  That was fine with me, but of course Ethan was not keen on that idea.  We were both firm and held our ground, and I escaped back to the waiting room, mouthing “I’m so sorry” over Ethan’s head as I turned to go.  She assured me that it was not a problem and that this was part of her job.  I was glad to be working with someone who sounded as stubborn as me!

I glanced through the pages of a magazine, barely able to focus on what was printed.  I half-expected Molly to appear behind the glass door with a look of defeat on her face.  But, the clock kept ticking, and then I tried to determine if a long time passing meant good things or bad.  When she finally did appear, it was with a smile and a thumbs-up sign.  I was so relieved!  She said that they finally managed to get all the x-rays done, and when one film didn’t turn out and they had to do it again, it was not a problem at all, as he admitted, “That was easy!”  Thank you, Lord!

The look on his face when he came out was priceless.  He had conquered something, worked it out, slayed the dragon.  The dentist came out too (a beautiful lady who appears too young to be a dentist and pregnant with her fourth child!).  He had no cavities and she said that his growth and development looked perfect.  And because of that, he wouldn’t need films taken again until he was 8.  Yippee!

I was so thankful that Molly hadn’t given up.  What should have been a 35 minute appointment turned into 1 1/2 hours, but we all left feeling like winners.  Molly said that challenges only make them better at their jobs.  A little voice inside was nagging that it was too bad my child had to be the challenge for them that day, and it was too bad that success only came after I was completely out of the room…what does that say about my presence in his life?  But, I let that go and rejoiced that feelings of panic and anger had not taken me over.  Even though I was frustrated that Ethan was making the situation so much more difficult than necessary, I was able to detach myself from it in a good way.  Again…Thank you, Lord!  And Ethan…I hope he can look back at this experience to help him with future challenges.  I hope he can remember the connection between what happened at the dentist’s office and his Awana verse, Joshua 1:9 - “…Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I told Ethan that I was proud of him for working through his fear and doing something he found very difficult.  I also told him I would take him out to lunch and he could choose the place.  I was kinda surprised, but he chose Romano’s Macaroni Grill.  We had a good afternoon.  :)

color!

Finally!  We have been picking some red tomatoes!

Just today (Wednesday), in the freebie paper that comes each week, there was an article about the many green tomatoes that continue to inhabit gardens at this time of the season.  Yay!  We’re not alone!  It went on to share some ideas and recipes for the unripe variety.  I’m guessing we will still end up with some of the camouflaged versions on the vine, but for now we are enjoying as many red and ripe ones that we can!

It’s no wonder they’ve decided to turn color, as summer lingers on here.  We’ve had temps in the 70s and even high 80s.  Apparently that will change tomorrow, however.  We may be in for our first wet soccer game this Saturday.

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Awhile ago, I set up an account with Simply Canvas, a company that will take photographs and put them on canvas in nearly any size.  I finally ordered three colorful canvases to be hung in my plain white office, and  they arrived today!  And they are spectacular, if I do say so myself!  The color and detail are just amazing, and their customer service is awesome.  I had nearly instant email feedback from some questions I had during the ordering process, and today I received a hand-written thank-you note from their customer service department.  Yep, I think I’ll be ordering from them again.  I can’t wait to try a portrait on canvas!

sneak peek

I had a shoot with this fantastic family last night!  I’m not finished editing, but I wanted to share these few…

bits and pieces…

Ethan (finally) learned to tie his shoes this month.  What with all the velcro and slip-ons these days, learning to tie wasn’t as urgent, but now that he can, it’s terrific!

We had a brief encounter with a praying mantis…so cool!

Our church has awesome singers and musicians and artists…

Our Saturdays are soccer days…

After a stint of only wanting to play Sorry!, Ethan has rediscovered Mexican Train Dominoes…

(and a haircut)

I recently discovered a link to Pandora.  It’s basically a free, personalized, online radio station.  You can enter any artist or genre of music, and they will play music that matches that category.  You can create a bunch of your own “stations” and customize them by letting them know if you do or don’t care for a particular song or artist that they present.  As I sit at the computer and edit pictures or work on my Photoshop class or blog hop, it’s great to have music playing.  There are many options for this, but I just thought this was cool enough to share.

Happy Wednesday!

feeling swamped

I’m feeling a bit swamped.  September has brought on subtle fall weather, which I love.  It’s also brought on soccer games, swimming lessons, Awana and a more regular daily routine of readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmetic.  A great office declutter became a week-long event this month, which has resulted in a much more functional work space for me (before and after pics to come later).  An upgrade in photo editing software has led to an on-line class…homework time!  I am so far behind in my Bible study homework it’s embarrassing, and now I’ve signed on for more homework.  (However, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and become more efficient.)  Strains from the last year of family crisis continue to beg for attention and continue to be arduous and rocky.

There have been things I’ve wanted to share here, but my brain keeps getting caught up in an all-or-nothing tug o’ war.  Some days I’m convinced I have nothing to share, nothing to contribute, nothing to offer…anywhere.  Some days I remember that being me doesn’t mean being what I think others are looking for.  I don’t have to express myself in complete, finished volumes…I am made up of bits and pieces…words gathered into prose and poetry, slowly compiled over time.  That seems so obvious, yet I struggle with presenting myself as unfinished and not having arrived.  “If I can just get these things done…if I can just accomplish these goals…if I can just wrangle myself into an easily maintainable state that doesn’t need constant work…then I can share, contribute, offer.”  My personal tome has torn pages that are out of order and bent and stained with life’s messes.  (Shocking, I know!)  Some days, I just want to stay on the shelf, hidden between the seemingly more attractive and put-together stories all around me.

Of course, I realize our world is much more like a used book store than a shiny, new Barnes and Noble.  We’ve all been dropped and creased and have faded, to varying degrees.  I don’t really want to stand out from the crowd because my spine still has sparkly gold leaf and my edges are still sharp.  I do want to be useful, pithy, inviting, comforting, worn in a soul-filling way…carrying the marks of a book that spends more time off the shelf, than standing carefully on the shelf.

And so, especially during this time of feeling swamped, I must venture nearer to the edge of my safe little shelf, and be available, willing, open…to His sorting, culling, filling and changing.